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1 April 2011, Cleveland Ohio, USA
Axia Audio, the networked audio division of Telos Systems, announces
the newest addition to its line of networked studio equipment: iJoe, the
professional-grade networked coffee centre built with broadcasters in
mind.
Equipped with a 100Base-T Ethernet port, iJoe attaches to any
convenient network switch and makes rich, full-bodied gourmet coffee
using a superconducting element for thermal efficiency, and borosilicate
carafe to ensure not a drop is spilled. Once the java’s ready, an
internal particle-beam scanner analyzes the fresh brew at a molecular
level and digitizes it using a nano-wave Gigawatt laser originally
developed for the “Star Wars” SDI missile defense program, then routing
it at wire-speed to the requesting JoeStation.
“Music, video, coffee – it’s all just data,” says Axia marketing
manager Clark Novak. “And data can be sent anywhere via Ethernet. iJoe
is really the next logical extension of the studio network. It’s
world-class initiatives like this that are helping us achieve new
synergies.”
Adds Novak, “iJoe is really the first in a new line of Axia products.
We are leveraging our brand value into synergistic partnerships to
create shareholder monetization while simultaneously expanding our
second tier solutions and refining our targeted knowledge base, which of
course, will absolutely perhaps have a strategic impact on the
investment paradigm and market capitulation.”
Companion software called JoePC will allow users to customize their
cuppa, adding flavorings or lighteners to the mix after brewing for
instantaneous customization. Total brew-to-cup latency is measured at
less than 4 picoseconds, thanks to use of the latest AGC (Advanced
Grinding Compression) algorithms.
Already, beta testers are raving about iJoe. “My airstaff runs on
coffee,” says “Smokin’ Joe” Jackson, Program Director of ClearStar’s
KissPig 100.4 in Okeefenokee, Florida. “Now, the jocks never have to
leave the studio to get it – it’s delivered right to the control room,
with virtually no latency. iJoe is helping us put more energy in our
programming! Personally, I’m a fan of the ‘eSpresso’ setting – it keeps
me alert during the day. Hey look, a squirrel!”
iJoe will be available in Summer of 2013. A list price will be
released after pending discounts and rebates from the newly-formed US
Department of Untaxed Mug Beverages (DUMB) have been factored in. A
companion piece, the iJohn, is already in development, which will make
it unnecessary for air talent to leave the booth – ever –
according to company spokesunits.
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Download a print-quality version of this photo from
the Axia photo gallery at www.AxiaAudio.com/pix
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Axia, a Telos company, wishes you a Happy April
Fools' Day.
This page:
http://www.AxiaAudio.com/news/pr/2011_iJoe.htm |
